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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. - [Smiles] Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off. - [Expectation] Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. - [Children] Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing. - [Housework] Fang drops so much food on his ties we keep them in the refrigerator. - [Food] His finest hour lasted a minute and a half. - [Sex] I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard. - [Housework] It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser. - [Hair] Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves. - [Old Age] Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - [Dogs] The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you. - [Golf] There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto. - [Poverty] We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. - [Babies] You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type. - [Old Age]
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