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GEORGE CARLIN
American comedian
(1937 - 2008)
  Displaying page 1 of 2    Next Page >> 

A lot of the people who keep a gun at home for safety are the same ones who refuse to wear a seat belt.
      - [Safety]

Always do whatever's next.
      - [Action]

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
      - [Atheism]

Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror.
      - [Baseball]

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
      - [Language]

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
      - [Insignificance]

Everything beeps now.
      - [Technology]

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
      - [Death]

I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
      - [Suicide]

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
      - [Christianity]

If a man smiles all the time, he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
      - [Smiles]

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
      - [Movies]

If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.
      - [Politics]

If it requires a uniform it's a worthless endeavor.
      - [Clothes]

In football the object is to march into enemy territory and cross his goal. In baseball the object is to go home.
      - [Baseball : Football]

In labor news, longshoremen walked off the piers today; rescue operations are continuing.
      - [Labor]

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
      - [Cynics]

Jesus was a cross dresser.
      - [Clothes]

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
      - [Self-esteem]

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
      - [Work]

No one can ever know for sure what a deserted area looks like.
      - [Deserts]

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
      - [Drinking]

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
      - [Reputation]

Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.
      - [Invention]

Religion is just mind control.
      - [Religion]


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Last Revised: 2018 December 10




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